I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
