I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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