This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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