Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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