You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
