I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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