Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
