I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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