3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
