I'm really into asian looking animals
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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