shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Holy shit dude........stairs
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