just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
