please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
