Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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