is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
