dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
