is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
