dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
