you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
