she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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