It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
