he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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