i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
