I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
