you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
