Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
