i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
