Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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