party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize