: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
