I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
