I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
