I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My feet surprised me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
