man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
