the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
