thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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