He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
