Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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