I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
