My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
