I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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