I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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