There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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