the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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