Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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