areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
