I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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