this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
