is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
