It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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