It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
