Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
