he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
