i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
