Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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