I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
