so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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