Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
