I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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