I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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