its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
