Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
