go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
