Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
