Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize