I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
