Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
