I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
