i already hear my dad disowning me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize