hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
