well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
