we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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