her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
