he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
