I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize