Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
