Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
