Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
