so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
