Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Green mimosas i think yes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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