Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
