I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
