he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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