You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize