why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
