wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
