we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
