how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
