im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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