If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
